


These Simple Gifts

by Findarato



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 06:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8878855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Findarato/pseuds/Findarato
Summary: Ask her? I can't. I can't just give something so casually like that. She's special and deserves something special, right?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kazesuke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazesuke/gifts).



> _"Heisuke/Chizuru - They seem to get on pretty easily and I feel like that's to do with how close they are in age. They just have these easy kind of friendship that I think is really cute and really enjoy."_
> 
>  
> 
> This was my inspiration for this fic. Heisuke, in my mind, is always a thinker. He's always wanted to do things for Chizuru, likes her and wants to help her. But when it comes to himself, it probably causes quite some consternation as he tries to deal with his feelings. In the 3ds version of Hakuouki, there's that little extra story about him trying to do something to cheer her up, but he has the worst timing and ends up feeling like he can't do a thing for her. So he holds on to his gift for her for all those years, and thus this fic was born. 
> 
> So this fic is set in Heisuke's route, a little before Sannan betrays the Shinsengumi and kidnaps Senhiime. It follows game canon and pulls inspiration from zuisouroku, the anime, and other canon sources for Hakuouki.

Underneath his clothes, he carries a hairpin. Nearly every night, like tonight, he looks at it. When he wakes up, the first thing he checks for is his sword. The second thing he checks for is the hairpin. By now, he knows every ridge and groove, and how many teeth it contains. The colour has faded somewhat, but the sakura blossom on it still remained. Probably he should stop touching it, because it merely revisits a certain time and day when he couldn't give it.

Actually, he still can't. There were so many moments…the time he briefly left the Shinsengumi, the time they ran into each other during the festival, the time he nearly died…missed opportunities, all of them. It's not he's afraid, it's that he wants the right moment. Originally, he'd wanted to cheer her up, but when was the last time he'd ever done that? She's always been the one to be encouraging him.

Holding the hairpin makes him feel both inadequate and grateful. They say that scent invokes memories, but touch and sight make him wonder just when he should be giving it to her. Should he randomly go up to her and say "thanks, Chizuru"? Or leave a note that told her it was a gift? Maybe he ought to leave it behind or sell it, if the opportunity never comes up.

 _I'm probably overthinking this._ He flops backwards and thumps his head against his crossed arms. It's a nice, cloudless evening, the kind for sake-drinking and going somewhere with Sano and Shinpachi. But of course, those days were over. Neither of them are around, and he kicks a foot out.

 _But there were things I should've asked them. Not even advice, just…stuff._ He hadn't even seen them off because he chose to get drunk instead of saying goodbye.

Sano had been the one to first suggest the hairpin; it made him wonder just how many of them he'd bought, or if he did other things. Girls like him a lot, and it was just because he couldn't keep his clothes on (literally), it was because he seemed to know how to talk to them. He knew how to talk to guys, too. As much as he teased Heisuke, he was great to have around.

"Heisuke."

"Hajime-kun." At least not everyone was gone. Hijikata is probably yelling at someone right now, Sannan is…somewhere, and Saitou is another constant factor. "I thought everyone was asleep." Heisuke sits up, and tugs his hands through his bangs.

"Not everyone." Saitou crouches next to him, and then after a moment, decides to sit.

"Why are you up?"

"I was assisting some soldiers that arrived late and receiving reports. There was also some surveillance to be done."

"Sure makes me miss Yamazaki."

"Indeed."

They've lost so many good men. War, illness, or madness. The three ways the Shinsengumi is compromised. He thinks about Souji, whom they've left behind. His own soldiers, consumed in bloodlust that he had to put down. "Did you need me for something?"

"No."

"Oh…then do you want a drink?"

"Thank you, but I'll pass."

"Well, you must have a reason for being here." Heisuke feels his spine straightening. Not that Saitou makes him _nervous;_ they're the same age, but Saitou is living proof of duty and codes and everything rigid. Probably he has something he wants Heisuke to do, a subtle suggestion of something.

"I came to talk."

"You did?" Come to think of it, it's been a while, hasn't it. They've hardly had the time to sit down and take tea and converse with each other. It's been tactics and plans and fighting, the remaining captains bearing the brunt of it. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"You."

"Really?"

"There's been something on your mind, hasn't there."

"Who doesn't?"

"I'm talking about what you're holding in your hand."

Shit, he hadn't even realised he had been fiddling with it. "Oh, this? It's an old thing; you've seen it before." They left the Shinsengumi together after all, during that period.

"I know why you have it."

"Either I'm too easy too read, or you've been stalking me." Okay, maybe he's just a little scared of Saitou. Everyone should be. "But then you know why I can't…just…throw it away."

Saitou merely tilts his head. "You give yourself away, and I don't stalk people. As for the reason, it's because you're actually more patient than you think."

"Haha." Him, patient? That's like saying Sano isn't flirtatious. "What am I even waiting for? Death? I guess it can be buried with me—"

"No."

"No?"

"You already know what you're waiting for."

"Damn it, Hajime-kun. You sound like…like a grandfather lecturing his grandson." Or something. He can easily imagine Saitou being like that, actually. Old and still beating people up. "Seems like you know me better than I do me."

"Only when you show in your face and your actions."

"I can't be like you."

"It's why she favours you."

" _What_ —" the word bursts out of him, so loud he thinks for a moment the crickets stopped chirping. "She doesn't…doesn't…I mean…"

Dammit, Saitou was actually smiling, and Heisuke half-heartedly shoves him, his face and ears burning. "When did you know that, I um…? When we followed Itou-san?" Or was this about the blood drinking, the offer. He doubts Chizuru told anyone, but maybe Saitou saw that too. He wouldn't put it past him.

"The day you bought the hairpin."

"I didn't think anyone saw…"

"I went out that day for errands and saw you."

Being sneaky just isn't his thing. "It could've been for anyone," he grasps at the last straw he had. "Did you tell anyone?"

"No. But time afterwards, it was…obvious in other ways."

If Saitou, the one person that people never see fooling around with women, had noticed, then of course, other people did too. They probably all thought he was ridiculous then, waiting this long. He groans and lies back down. "I can't believe everyone knows." He needs some cold water, right now.

"One person doesn't."

"You mean…Chizuru? But you said she favours me."

"She does, but she doesn't know you have such feelings."

"I can't exactly just go up to her and say 'Chizuru, I like you, and I was wondering if you did too.' I'd die before that." The instant he says that, he regrets it. "Maybe it's a secret I should take to my grave. She deserves someone who isn't what I am." His fingers pluck at a thread in his sleeve. "I'm gonna die before her. Isn't that better?"

"I can't answer that, Heisuke."

"Well, if you were in my place, what would you do? If there was a girl you liked a lot, and you're pretty sure she likes you do, but you're short on time?"

"Make the best of the time."

"That's not very helpful." He wishes he could see into the future sometimes. "I'm just wasting my time then."

"Waiting is not wasting." Saitou suddenly draws his sword, and out of habit, Heisuke tenses at the sound. A drawn sword means battle, and their instincts are to be ready. "Do you know why I studied iai?"

"Because it's your strength?"

"Because it taught me to wait. Some schools are about the number of strikes, or the force in a swing. The strength of iai laid in patience. And even if it is an error, another chance will present itself."

 _Sounds impossible for me. I failed once, look at what I am now._ "Are you sure I'm actually patient?"

Saitou rises, straightening his scarf. "I'm sure." He reaches out his hand, and grips Heisuke's shoulder for a brief moment. "You might be impulsive, but that didn't mean you were blind to the bigger scope of things."

"Heh." _I wonder._ "Thanks, Hajime-kun. See you later. If this war ends, and if…if things are good, I'll come find you for a drink."

 _If I'm still alive,_ he thinks to himself.

He gets one of Saitou's rare, soft smiles. "I will hold you to that, Heisuke."

**~  
**

Of course, it's easier said than done. A week passes by and Heisuke is more distraught than ever about this issue. There's the problem of him being so busy he's exhausted and can't do anything more but sleep. Then there's meetings, stuff with Sannan, other matters. Chizuru is busy too, and they don't even have a chance to talk. He does try to keep an eye out, to see if what Saitou said was really true, about her liking him. What did girls even do when they liked someone? Chizuru was friendly to everyone, and she was always smiling, helpful, and cute.

Although...there were the times they held hands. She had also seemed happy when he said he wanted to see her in a proper kimono, and promised him it would happen, which it did. There was also the time she stayed at his side when he'd been dying…and the times she give him her blood…

Are those signs? Most couples he'd known and seen were those that blushed at each other and kissed each other's cheeks, taking long walks, and…other couple things. Coupling, ahem. Was she even interested in that? How did girls even say they wanted something from a guy, anyway?

To say it was a miserable week was an understatement. He knows he's sulking a bit but he doesn't know how this works. It's different from a crush. It's different from messing around. This is the girl he loves and _desires_. There are times he really, really wants to hug her and whisper promises in her ear and hear her say his name. He wants to know if her heart beats like his, if she thinks about him all the time, and if the wanting is the same. It doesn't help that he knows exactly how soft her skin in, and how she doesn't pull away from him...

Sano, probably: Why don't you just ask her, Heisuke?  
Shinpachi, inevitably, following up Sano: Yeah, the worst she can do is hit you, haha.

_Even in my head, you guys are no help,_ he sourly thinks as he and a contingent of rasetsu trudge through a forest. _Ask her? I can't. I can't just give something so casually like that. She's special and deserves something special, right? Like I should give it to her during a wedding…_

But that's putting the cart before the horse; he still needs to know what she thinks and where she stands. Maybe they're just good friends. And if they were, that's fine. He'll put away the hairpin. He can't pursue what's meant to be free or claim something not his.

"Captain, watch ou—"

Too late, he runs headfirst into a bush. Thank goodness for quick healing, but that didn't mean it wouldn't fucking sting. Heisuke tears sticks and leaves out of his hair and brushes himself down, muttering. Thankfully no one laughs, but he's fuming. What was he, a love-stricken child? A hopeless case, that's what. It's only when flower petals fall on the ground that he realises what he crashed into a flower bush.

The flowers, they were peonies, weren't they? He stoops to look at them closer.

"Captain…?"

Oh, right. "You guys go on. I…have something I need to do that I forgot." He makes a deliberate turn and listens until he's alone. He feels horribly silly as he picks through the bush, but he has to try.

_If she accepts the flower, that means something, right?_

When he returns, he's late and he bears the earful he gets from both Hijikata _and_ Sannan, and he puts the flower in a jar of a water to wait for morning.

It's not too long; he wakes up to the sun burning him nicely and he splashes himself down with water, for relief and for his nerves. It's a just a flower, what is he so anxious about? She won't turn it down because it's Chizuru. But she could put it away and never look at it, too.

He times his meeting with her, catching her before breakfast. She's carrying a large pile of trays to the river for washing, and he steps in to help.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" she asks him.

"I slept too much last night," he easily lies. "And it's been a while since I saw the morning. Felt like I should."

"It hurts you, though," she objects.

"Not if I'm feeling all right to begin with. Really." It does hurt but he's ignoring it. He doesn't need blood right now, either. "How are you?"

"I'm good, all things considered. I'm worried about everyone." Her hands are already busy scrubbing out the trays. "And about my father."

"Anything new from him?"

She shakes her head. "Can I even still consider him…my father?"

"Well, I can't really tell you." Him being the illegitimate son and all that.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up something to make you uncomfortable—"

"No hard feelings. I just…want to see you happy, Chizuru." He begins stacking the trays she's finished. "We're doing okay, aren't we? Hijikata's still doing his best, and so is everyone else. At least I think I am. If I wasn't, feel free to yell at me."

"You always do your best, Heisuke-kun."

"Really?"

"You put your heart into things."

 _Except telling you how I really feel._ The flower is in room, in a jar next to his hairpin. "No point in doing things halfway, right?"

She smiles, and he swears he forgets how to breathe for a second there.

"Still, Heisuke-kun, you should be sleeping. Or at the very least, resting out of the sun." She places her hand against his forehead. "You're not sick, are you?"

 _Even her hand is soft…dammit, my face is probably so red right now._ "N-no! Of course not. Last night was great, the week was great, and if I stay up I can get a lunch you cook…er, if you're okay with that." She makes the best onigiri that he's ever tasted. "And you always do so much, so I wanted to help a little. If I can."

"But won't you be tired tonight?"

"I think I'm off tonight." _You're not, Heisuke._

"What if I promise to have an onigiri for you when you wake up?"

"Oh, that—"

"Only if you sleep now."

"Aww, Chizuru…" Ah, he's stalling now. Ruffling his hair furiously, he finally decides to go with it. "Okay, I have something I need to tell you."

"Tell me?"

"It's nothing important, just a small thing…" Actually, maybe he should skip the flower and give her the hairpin. Or give both. "Actually I need to give you something. Come with me?"

Poor Chizuru looks confused and curious. "For what?"

"For…a lot of things." His thoughts pile together as he still tries to figure what just what exactly he wants to give, and what it all encompasses. He holds out his hand.

It still makes him shake instead, whenever she takes his hand and he doesn't want to hold anyone else's hand. He doesn't want anyone else, or anything better than her. He has to take the long way around to avoid being seen, and she also has to put down all the trays, but eventually they reach his room.

Everything happens in a blur; he hears himself mumbling about the state of his bed and he dives back in, shoving the hairpin underneath the covers and grabbing the flower.

"I saw this and…thought of you."

It looks so small and insignificant in the palm of his hand. At least it's not wilted. He knows enough about flowers to remember the water.

"For me?" She reaches out her hand and hesitates. "Heisuke-kun…"

"Y...es?" His tongue stutters over his reply.

"Thank you. It's a peony, isn't it? It's beautiful."

 _Like you,_ he wants to say. Instead, he grins until his face hurts as she takes the flower and puts it in her hair.

"Does this look all right?"

"Really great. It really does suit you."

"But you still haven't told me what it was for."

 _Because I don't know how to give you my real gift. Because I don't know how to tell you how I really feel._ "It's…it's for you. Having you here is nice. And I also wanted to say thank you…" his voice trails off while he digs the toe of his boot into the grass. "Because you deserve that. You, to me—" _Are more precious than anything_. "—I always want to do more for you, but sometimes I don't know what to say. Or do. Does that make sense?"

The petals of the flower flutter against her hair, and he is compelled to tuck her hair behind her ear, finger grazing the skin. "So…thanks, Chizuru."

Would this be the right moment to kiss her? Or would it be too daring. He bites the inside of his mouth and bounces his foot, hand lingering.

He can feel the exact moment he dies and goes to paradise when she puts her hand over his, squeezing lightly, while her cheeks flush and her lips curve upward. "Oh, Heisuke-kun…"

Shit, he didn't make her cry, did he? He's ready to pull back and apologise, but she doesn't move her hand.

"You always do a lot. You were the first person to warm up to me and the first person I'd call a friend in the Shinsengumi." She touches the flower again. "Do you remember you the time we had a snowball fight? Or when you caught a duck for dinner?"

"I remember Hijikata-san chewing me out for both of those things." Among so many other things. "I fooled around a lot back then, didn't I…"

"But you looked out for me then as well. You always have. And you always smiled."

"Is that the best thing about me?"

"Your smile? Yes." Chizuru inhales slowly, and looks very content. "It's like sunshine."

"So, scorching, blinding, and painful?" He's not being serious.

She nudges him. "Warm. You're always warm, Heisuke-kun. Your presence is something I would always want with me."

 _If I'm the sun, then what are you? To me, you're even warmer. Kinder. Hopeful._ A million analogies spill into his thoughts and he lets all of them drain away. There's too many, and Heisuke is biting his tongue. "I have one more question."

"Okay."

"Do you have any plans…you know, for the future?"

Okay, that came out more abrupt than he hoped. "Because I figured everyone does."

"I…" Chizuru blinks. "Oh, I haven't thought of it that much. There's just so much going on every day that I don't even dream about it. But I think there's one thing I'm certain about."

"Yeah, what's that?"

Her voice drops and she's looking away. "I want to keep seeing you. Again, I know it's selfish of me, but I want to see you happy and doing well."

"If this is about you giving me blood, you don't have to keep doing it. I feel bad about that, and I can probably—"

"No, it's not about that." Her fingers suddenly grip his shoulder. "I never minded that. I just don't want to see you sad. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you," he finds himself whispering back. "You deserve good things." _Better than what I can give._ This is why he couldn't give her the hairpin in the first place, what with everyone offering things better than he could. "I don't know…if I can give you that."

"But, Heisuke-kun—" Chizuru's eyes meets his. "You always give the best of yourself."

He ends up gaping a little. Does he really?

"That's far better than anything else." She draws away from him, hand touching the peony once more. "I'll bring you an ongiri once you've slept. Thank you for the flower."

"Chi—"

But she's already hurrying away, although it doesn't seem like she was offended, or turning him away. The last glimpse he catches of her is the blush in her cheeks, and how she takes care to not let the wind steal the flower away.

In a daze, he sits back down, and he reaches for the hairpin he so hastily hid away. He was sure his fingers were shaking, but they were steady as he traced it. Today was a good sign…right? She accepted the flower and thanked him, and compared him to sunshine. He sort of regrets the question of the future, but it…it pointed in a certain direction.

Is this really patience, or reticence? Scrubbing his hand through his hair, he lies down on his bed and yawns.

_"_ _You always give the best of yourself."_

_But I want to give you more. So much more of me. You've seen everything…can you accept that too?_ They were close, but still some days, he couldn't speak. There was the feeling that he'd really fail one day, die in the throes of murder-thrill, or in agonising pain, melting away to ash. Or he'd be unable to protect her, and watch her disappear from his life. He's not afraid to die, but he doesn't want to go that way, or disappoint her. The very thought of it makes him sick.

 _I can't let you down, Chizuru. I can't let the Shinsengumi down._ He clenches a hand into a fist. _If we make it out of this, if I'm still alive, I'm going to give this to you. Even if takes me the rest of my life._

If anything, he's always been good at keeping his promises, and to the person, so dear to him, the one that he loves and wants to forever love, he would try even harder.

  
_The End_   


**Author's Note:**

> In the Hakuouki OVA series, during the ending, Chizuru is seen with peonies in the background, which in hanakotoba mean “bravery.” Pretty fitting for her, I would say.


End file.
